IHateCaptchasSoMuch

I've tried dozens of programs. I've websearched for hours. I now come to you on bended knees. First problem: I want to be able to set a hotkey, that inserts a pre-defined line of text into any text editor. I want to do a bunch of different ones. Say, ALT+SHIFT+D = blahblah420@hotmail.com, and ALT+SHIFT+C = I love you too, honey. I want to be able to do this so I don't have to get carpal tunnel typing in the exact same same word or phrase hundreds of times a week. I couldn't find a program that worked like this, or I couldn't figure out how to make it work (like AutoHotKey... I read the first page of their tutorial three times and each time I needed an aspirin afterwards), because I am not a propeller head and thus incapable of wrapping my mind around any language that isn't the king's English. :) Second problem: I want to be able to copy plain text and paste as plain text, but I do not want to CTRL+ALT+SHIFT+C or WINDOWS+V. Big no. I just want to CTRL+C, CTRL+V like I've done my entire life. Like I've said, I tried a bunch of them, and the few that let you choose the hotkey, for some unfathomable reason pout and stick their noses in the air when you ask them politely to set it to CTRL+C or CTRL+V. Thank you and have a great week!