Jokes

[BeeCeeBee]

However if you really want to perform a service to the Extreme Tech Support - Free PC Help Community you may want to advise the members where one can get those printed ebooks you mentioned.

 

It never even occured to me that my post would be taken seriously.

 

I guess I better look carefully at my sense of humour.:)

[Guest Wolfeymole]

Polo

 

What you have to bear in mind is the beeceebee is one of our colonial cousins and therefore there is a natural divide when it comes to American and English "humour" :D

 

Beeceebee was trying to be subtle almost to a point where the the intrinsic underlying aspect flopped lower than Whale ****.

 

Don't worry about it mate. :D

[DirtyPolo]

:( I'll slowly retreat to my room to cry about this...

 

 

:) or maybe go play some games

[BeeCeeBee]

And here I thought this was put to bed, but noooo! Up pops our own Wolfeymole to add clarity to the thread.

 

What truly hurts is that i went to the trouble of adding that ridiculous extra u in humor.

 

I have forgotten that in the land of Benny Hill subtlety is a lost art. Sorry to lump you in with that Polo but you must disavaow Mr Lobo as your nation's defender.

 

(All in good fun folks )

[Plastic Nev]

Well in that case back to the simple stuff that all of us can understand either side of the pond.

 

A Modern Christmas Story .

 

'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was ****ed.

He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.

Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.

I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,

Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?

The old lady *****es cause I work late at night.

The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.

Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.

And just when I thought that things would get better

Those *******s at IRS sent me a letter,

They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny

Who ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits

They want the impossible--Those mean little ****s

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds

Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads

I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,

They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees

Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees

I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment

I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,

I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season

Edited November 29, 2008 by Goku

[BeeCeeBee]

And bah Humbug to you! (does the blond have a sister?)

[Plastic Nev]

She may well have a sister. It could be this girl-

 

A blonde called the airlines and asked,

 

how long is the flight from Cleveland to Los Angeles?

 

The operator said, "Just one minute please."

 

The blonde said, "Wow that is fast. Thank you." and hung up.

[tismehi]

paddy electrician

 

paddy the electrician got sacked from h.m. prison service for refusing to repair the electric chair.

he says in his opinion it is a bloody deathtrap.

[sangfroid]

It's taken a while to go through this thread.

 

For the 25th of December;

 

A Scotsman calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, 'I

hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are

divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.'

 

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

 

'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the father says. 'We're

sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your

sister in Leeds and tell her.'

 

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. 'Like hell

they're getting divorced,' she shouts. 'I'll take care of this.'

 

She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father, 'You are NOT

getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my

brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a

thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.

 

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay,' he says,

'they're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own fares.'

 

:D

[BeeCeeBee]

A blond was driving her boyfriend's hot new Jag alongside a dried up river bed when she spotted another blond sitting in a beat up old row boat and rowing away furiously on what used to be a river but now just a dried up field.

 

Furious with what she sees, she stomps on the brakes, screaches to a halt, gets out of the car and starts screaming at the blond in the boat.

 

"You moron", she yelled, "its dumb blonds like you that give all of us a bad name. "I ought to go out there and kick your ass".

 

"Yeah" replied the blond in the boat, "why don't you come out here and try."

 

"I would" said the first "but I can't swim."

[Dalo Harkin]

I would not use AOL - even in an emergency :D

[help4me]

Great Stuff, interesting and informative.:)

 

However if you really want to perform a service to the Extreme Tech Support - Free PC Help Community you may want to advise the members where one can get those printed ebooks you mentioned.

 

I there any special software that is required to use one of these devices.

 

May one use these non ebooks if mobile phone text is the only written language that can be understood.

 

Is there an age requirement to use one or are they restricted to under a particular age.

 

Thank you in advance for any additional information you may supply.

 

 

 

Here is some tech help for those... non-ebooks. ;)

 

[BeeCeeBee]

Hi Help4,

 

I have to not only thank you for the link (which should be required viewing for all Extreme Tech Support - Free PC Help members) but also for "getting it."

 

I suspect you didn't need an interpreter. :)

[help4me]

Hi Help4,

 

I have to not only thank you for the link (which should be required viewing for all Extreme Tech Support - Free PC Help members) but also for "getting it."

 

I suspect you didn't need an interpreter. :)

 

LOL... I thought your post was quite clever. I'm still laughing... and the responses were priceless :D

 

;) On the book tech support request form... I wrote "1" for English ;) :p

[BeeCeeBee]

You see I didn't even know there was a choice.

 

In fairness to me though, I have only seen one of these devices in my life.

 

All it had was a title on its case (looked sort of like a laptop type thing) and it had a brand name "diary." I tried to open it following the instructions on your link but all the paper things were blank. Is there somewhere i have to go to download the text?

 

Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you!

[help4me]

You see I didn't even know there was a choice.

 

In fairness to me though, I have only seen one of these devices in my life.

 

All it had was a title on its case (looked sort of like a laptop type thing) and it had a brand name "diary." I tried to open it following the instructions on your link but all the paper things were blank. Is there somewhere i have to go to download the text?

 

Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you!

 

LMAO :p

 

I've heard of those empty books. Freakish things imho. From what I was told, you have to use ink with one of those... ummmm... pens I think is what they are called, and put the text in yourself. Here's a link to that pen thing I was talking about Tech-Writer.net > Pens > Fountain Pens > Pen Notes > Things to Know - Before You Use Your Fountain Pen

[BeeCeeBee]

OK I tried all of that but still have three problems.

 

1. I tried to use an old foun tane pen (is that right?) and it would not load that Ink Stuff.

 

2. I went into the bios to set the boot sequence. That was fine but it is old and does not allow for a CD and I do not have a floppy drive to even download a new startup disc.

 

3. If do manage to get the thing to boot up I still am not sure what text has to be added to the book thing. I googled "diary Inc.") but they do not seem to have a website.

 

Perhaps I should just give up and take it to the shop. :confused2:

 

Please someone !!

[Guest Wolfeymole]

Please ignore the lunatic who just posted above. :D

[BeeCeeBee]

It is one thing to pick on me sir . But Help4me is a lovely person and deserves better from you!!

[help4me]

It is one thing to pick on me sir . But Help4me is a lovely person and deserves better from you!!

 

LOL... I used to be a mod here.... trust me... that IS better ;) :p

 

Luv ya Bob dear :D

[Guest Wolfeymole]

And you my little possum xxx :)

[BeeCeeBee]

:) OK you two that's enough. Please get a reoom and leave the rest of us out of it. Edited December 3, 2008 by BeeCeeBee

[Plastic Nev]

Ah, I think I see your problem Sir, the fountain pen is now old technology and there is very little support available for it. It has been superseded by the newer Biro or ball point pen. This device comes ready loaded with the "ink" stuff and has a small ball at the work end of this device. The principal of operation is such that when the ball is made to make contact with paper, any movement to left or right will leave a thin line of the "ink" on the paper. This happens because the ball turns and delivers a thin layer of "ink" behind it. With a small amount of learning the skill of using it to make the lines and curves on paper similar to the letters and numbers we see here on this browser page, can be quickly learned.

Unfortunately though, even the Biro or ball point pen, is now out of date and has again been superseded by the device known as a "Typewriter". This is a very complex and highly engineered device that makes writing words much easier. Next instalment to follow.

[Plastic Nev]

Incidentally, the technicians at NASA, were stumped when it was discovered that neither the fountain pen or the Biro would work in zero gravity. This meant that the astronauts could not write anything while in space. A tremendous amount of money and time were spent in research to find a device that could write in zero gravity, this eventually lead to the invention of the felt tip pen, which would write quite happily in zero gravity or even upside down in gravity. Many thousands of dollars were spent along with many hours of time in this research.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Russians just gave their astronauts a pencil.:p:p

[help4me]

Ah, I think I see your problem Sir, the fountain pen is now old technology and there is very little support available for it. It has been superseded by the newer Biro or ball point pen. This device comes ready loaded with the "ink" stuff and has a small ball at the work end of this device. The principal of operation is such that when the ball is made to make contact with paper, any movement to left or right will leave a thin line of the "ink" on the paper. This happens because the ball turns and delivers a thin layer of "ink" behind it. With a small amount of learning the skill of using it to make the lines and curves on paper similar to the letters and numbers we see here on this browser page, can be quickly learned.

Unfortunately though, even the Biro or ball point pen, is now out of date and has again been superseded by the device known as a "Typewriter". This is a very complex and highly engineered device that makes writing words much easier. Next instalment to follow.

 

Can you use "typewriter" to put text into a blank book ... those diary things? If so.. what kind of connection does it use to connect to the book? Does "typewriter" support multiple languages? Does it have spell check? What kind of operating system does "typewriter" use? Is it compatible with other programs? What kind of periphials are available for "typewriter"? Can "typewriter" be used in conjunction with "pen"? What if I have text already in the ".pen" format...will "typewriter" be able to convert it, or for that matter even be able to "read" text that has been saved in the ".pen" format?

 

 

 

( ;) )