A Womans Poem

[maynardvdm]

***Maynard gets a evil look in his eyes with a big grin*** :D

 

No i am gonna take it apart and use it for spares :p

[rowal5555]

Well. How about this then??

 

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

 

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

 

EATING OUT

• When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

• When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

 

 

MONEY

• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

 

BATHROOMS

• A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .

• The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

 

ARGUMENTS

• A woman has the last word in any argument.

• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

 

FUTURE

• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

 

SUCCESS

• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

 

MARRIAGE

• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

• A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

 

DRESSING UP

• A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

 

NATURAL

• Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

• Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

 

OFFSPRING

• Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

 

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

[Guest Wolfeymole]

Lol good one Rob. :D

[Dalo Harkin]

Yes - that is very good - seen some of them before :D

[maynardvdm]

I really enjoy that. (We should hide this thread from Bonnie :D:p)

[Seth]

MONEY

• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

 

LOL.

 

I can't even begin to tell you the hours I've spent driving her around to save a few cents.

 

The time and gas cost? Forget about it, as it doesn't seem to register.

[rowal5555]

In the same vein. An oldie but goodie.

 

Husband Mart

PG-Rated

 

A store that sells husbands has just opened in San Diego where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

 

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

 

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love, kids.

The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

 

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.

"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

 

The fourth floor sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.

"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

 

The fifth floor sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.

"Oh, mercy me! But just think ... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

 

The sixth floor sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at Husband Mart and have a nice day.

[maynardvdm]

Lol. So true :D

[Dalo Harkin]

Lol - I like that one :D

[rowal5555]

Point of view about the Older Woman:

 

Women Over 40

 

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

 

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.

 

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.

 

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it .

 

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

 

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.

 

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

 

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, or if you are acting like one. You don't have to wonder where you stand with her.

 

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

 

For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? - here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

[Guest Wolfeymole]

Bonnie will love that Rob, it lacks..........clutter. ;)

 

(private joke) No reference intended Sweety :p

[DSTM]

Women over 40, are just happy to get anyone.:p:D