Rules of Conduct for the Microsoft MVP's

May 14, 2008

For all you MVP's & "wannabes" in training, here's a few basic

rules:

1) If a poster is having hardware trouble, always respond with "It's

YOUR fault, you should have done you HOMEWORK", regardless of the

actual problem. In fact, reading the entire post isn't even

necessary.

- example: "So what if your new $500 "Vista Certified" video card has

no drivers? We never said it would work right NOW, we meant it MIGHT

work LATER." BTW, "Homework" = "Upgrade Advisor", yea, we know it's

seriously flawed, but who cares? We get to laugh at & ridicule those

stupid enough to have trusted it in the first place. It's a "win-win"

situation for us if ever there was one.

2) If a poster is having software trouble, always respond with "It's

YOUR fault, you should have done you HOMEWORK", regardless of the

actual problem.

See? Easy isn't it? We went to great lengths to make sure upgraders

would have to buy as much new software (and hardware) as possible.

See, we have this "deal" with the vendors, but don't mention this

online, just blame the vendors instead. They don't care, they're

getting rich too. Besides, they won't say anything if they know what's

good for them.

3) If a poster protests or questions your reply, take it up a notch.

Calling a poster stupid is usually sufficient to put them in their

place.

How dare they. Better yet, divert all attention by complaining about

something totally unrelated, like top-posting or OT posts. Disparaging

comments about the posters mental state or physical attributes are

always a good way to sidestep any and all issues.

4) If a poster presents evidence that you are full of sh*t, merely

sneer and call them a liar. Always question their sources and present

links to OUR crapola, like the Upgrade Advisor or the Hardware

Compatibility List. Remember, these are what we are paying Marketing

for. Use them. Otherwise, when in doubt, simply lie (see #5).

5) Make stuff up. Technical expertise is not required on your part.

Just reply with baffling diatribes comprised of whatever you can pull

out of your butt. The more mind-numbing stupidity the better, this

serves to leave posters with that "deer in the headlights" look while

they try and comprehend what you just said. At the very least, this

ought to keep them quiet for a while. And whatever you do, never fall

into the trap of having to "prove" you point. Tell the posters to

prove theirs instead. We are above such things.

6) "It works for me". This is quickly becoming the mantra of choice.

It's benefits are twofold; #1) It clearly establishes you as

technically superior to the poster, as well as smarter - go ahead,

beat your chest like an ape, you've earned it. #2) It is just one more

way to inform a poster of their obvious low IQ (see #3 above). Never

pass on an opportunity to employ this tactic. Why? Because as long as

we aren't actually going to help anyone, we may as well provide some

sitcom quality entertainment. Good boy, have a banana.

7) If all else fails, simply call the poster a troll and encourage all

your fanboy buddies to sing along. This is generally the easiest route

since after all, we are Borg of Redmond.

8) Be sure and spend as mush as possible net-copping the newsgroup.

This is just as good as offering any actual technical help, and it's

far easier and much more fun. Berate posters that they're posting in

the wrong newsgroup, or that their posts are off-topic. Best of all,

be sure and post moronic "Rules of Conduct" in an effort to place

yourself on a pedestal, rising above the rest of the mere mortals.

However, NEVER belittle the newsgroup's pet morons, like Frank & Bill

Yaniare. Yeah, we know they're just clueless doofuses, but they're so

Pro-Anything-Microsoft, we just don't have the heart to ban their

sorry asses.

9) Repeat steps 1-8 ad nauseum. Cut & Paste was designed just for this

purpose. Remember, it's not a lie if YOU believe it.

Never forget, this is all part of the grand design, to promote and

protect the Church of Microsoft. Religious zealotry is our way of

life, it is in our hands to seek out and crush the infidels where ever

they may be.

Microsoft is NEVER wrong, NEVER at fault. We are the shepherds,

upgraders everywhere are the sheep. When the collection plate passes,

feel free to toss in your balls and your brain. Now bend over,

...attaboy.

* Disclaimer*

Your true mission, while cleverly disguised as "Technical Support" is

really all about noise and damage control.

Microsoft Legal loves you. How else could we possible assemble an army

of mindless unpaid droids to do our dirty work, all while having no

official or legal obligation, not to mention responsibility or

accountability?

God Bless America.

May 14, 2008

Re: Rules of Conduct for the Microsoft MVP's

Stick to alt.abortion newsgroup where you belong, blowHard.

dieHard wrote:

> For all you MVP's & "wannabes" in training, here's a few basic

> rules:

<snip>

May 14, 2008

Re: Rules of Conduct for the Microsoft MVP's

We can't see you but we can visualize this constipated look

on your face. You're full of it - get it out of yourself!

May 14, 2008

Re: Rules of Conduct for the Microsoft MVP's

I though it was brilliant !

regards, Richard

"Monitor" <nospam@spam.com> wrote in message

news:eeJWW0ftIHA.5832@TK2MSFTNGP02.phx.gbl...

> We can't see you but we can visualize this constipated look

> on your face. You're full of it - get it out of yourself!

>

May 14, 2008

Re: Rules of Conduct for the Microsoft MVP's

Did you Copy/Paste this from Dell Tech Support?

"dieHard" <dieHard@abc.com> wrote in message

news:97fm245sqi4nd8lh95enmuq99bu79p6ekd@4ax.com...

> For all you MVP's & "wannabes" in training, here's a few basic

> rules:

>

> 1) If a poster is having hardware trouble, always respond with "It's

> YOUR fault, you should have done you HOMEWORK", regardless of the

> actual problem. In fact, reading the entire post isn't even

> necessary.

> - example: "So what if your new $500 "Vista Certified" video card has

> no drivers? We never said it would work right NOW, we meant it MIGHT

> work LATER." BTW, "Homework" = "Upgrade Advisor", yea, we know it's

> seriously flawed, but who cares? We get to laugh at & ridicule those

> stupid enough to have trusted it in the first place. It's a "win-win"

> situation for us if ever there was one.

>

> 2) If a poster is having software trouble, always respond with "It's

> YOUR fault, you should have done you HOMEWORK", regardless of the

> actual problem.

> See? Easy isn't it? We went to great lengths to make sure upgraders

> would have to buy as much new software (and hardware) as possible.

> See, we have this "deal" with the vendors, but don't mention this

> online, just blame the vendors instead. They don't care, they're

> getting rich too. Besides, they won't say anything if they know what's

> good for them.

>

> 3) If a poster protests or questions your reply, take it up a notch.

> Calling a poster stupid is usually sufficient to put them in their

> place.

> How dare they. Better yet, divert all attention by complaining about

> something totally unrelated, like top-posting or OT posts. Disparaging

> comments about the posters mental state or physical attributes are

> always a good way to sidestep any and all issues.

>

> 4) If a poster presents evidence that you are full of sh*t, merely

> sneer and call them a liar. Always question their sources and present

> links to OUR crapola, like the Upgrade Advisor or the Hardware

> Compatibility List. Remember, these are what we are paying Marketing

> for. Use them. Otherwise, when in doubt, simply lie (see #5).

>

> 5) Make stuff up. Technical expertise is not required on your part.

> Just reply with baffling diatribes comprised of whatever you can pull

> out of your butt. The more mind-numbing stupidity the better, this

> serves to leave posters with that "deer in the headlights" look while

> they try and comprehend what you just said. At the very least, this

> ought to keep them quiet for a while. And whatever you do, never fall

> into the trap of having to "prove" you point. Tell the posters to

> prove theirs instead. We are above such things.

>

> 6) "It works for me". This is quickly becoming the mantra of choice.

> It's benefits are twofold; #1) It clearly establishes you as

> technically superior to the poster, as well as smarter - go ahead,

> beat your chest like an ape, you've earned it. #2) It is just one more

> way to inform a poster of their obvious low IQ (see #3 above). Never

> pass on an opportunity to employ this tactic. Why? Because as long as

> we aren't actually going to help anyone, we may as well provide some

> sitcom quality entertainment. Good boy, have a banana.

>

> 7) If all else fails, simply call the poster a troll and encourage all

> your fanboy buddies to sing along. This is generally the easiest route

> since after all, we are Borg of Redmond.

>

> 8) Be sure and spend as mush as possible net-copping the newsgroup.

> This is just as good as offering any actual technical help, and it's

> far easier and much more fun. Berate posters that they're posting in

> the wrong newsgroup, or that their posts are off-topic. Best of all,

> be sure and post moronic "Rules of Conduct" in an effort to place

> yourself on a pedestal, rising above the rest of the mere mortals.

> However, NEVER belittle the newsgroup's pet morons, like Frank & Bill

> Yaniare. Yeah, we know they're just clueless doofuses, but they're so

> Pro-Anything-Microsoft, we just don't have the heart to ban their

> sorry asses.

>

> 9) Repeat steps 1-8 ad nauseum. Cut & Paste was designed just for this

> purpose. Remember, it's not a lie if YOU believe it.

>

> Never forget, this is all part of the grand design, to promote and

> protect the Church of Microsoft. Religious zealotry is our way of

> life, it is in our hands to seek out and crush the infidels where ever

> they may be.

> Microsoft is NEVER wrong, NEVER at fault. We are the shepherds,

> upgraders everywhere are the sheep. When the collection plate passes,

> feel free to toss in your balls and your brain. Now bend over,

> ..attaboy.

>

> * Disclaimer*

> Your true mission, while cleverly disguised as "Technical Support" is

> really all about noise and damage control.

> Microsoft Legal loves you. How else could we possible assemble an army

> of mindless unpaid droids to do our dirty work, all while having no

> official or legal obligation, not to mention responsibility or

> accountability?

>

> God Bless America.

May 14, 2008

Re: Rules of Conduct for the Microsoft MVP's

How pathetic that MVPs or anyone else would even bother to waste ether

with a response to such obvious tripe. To each of you who responded,

realize that you are lending credence to the allegations. Wise up.

Starve trolls; it really pisses them off when they go hungry!

May 14, 2008

Re: Rules of Conduct for the Microsoft MVP's

funny..., every couple

of years there is a rant

about mvp's.

fyi, mvp's are not employed

by microsoft nor are they official

technical support technicians

nor are they representative

of microsoft.

further microsoft does not

support or back up anything

that mvp's say and likewise

some mvp's bash microsoft

without guilt or hesitation,

i.e., the hand that feeds them.

however, microsoft can

and has discredit mvp's

for some of the things

they do.

http://search.live.com/results.aspx?srch=105&FORM=IE7RE&q=Rules+of+Conduct+for+the+Microsoft+MVp

---------------------

although there are mvp

programs for many

countries of the world.

it is unfortunate that there

is an ethnic disparity with

the u.s. mvp program

--

db·´¯`·...¸><)))º>